my thoughts for the day

So as most of you that know our family well, my precious Robbie has been such a challenge since about two weeks after he was born. I still don't know what was wrong with him, whether it was colic or something else... but he basically cried for what seemed like 15 months straight. He's had a few stretches of 'happy' days or even weeks thrown in there, but overall, he's just a crazy boy!!

His determination and stubbornness are great qualities that I know will get him places later in life, but as for right now - it's hard to deal with! Church is the hardest for me (and him). He is a loud kid with a loud voice and it's hard for him to remember to be quiet, either that, or he just doesn't want to. It also seems hard for him to remember not to throw trucks at the people in front of us or to not run down the isle or to not shove fifty goldfish into his mouth at once or to not start screaming his head off when I try to tell him to quiet down... I seriously leave every Sunday almost in tears (or sometimes completely in tears), frustrated, tired, angry and usually sweating, which is not how you should feel (or look!) when you leave church! Sometimes I wonder why I even go...

But then I think about it and I KNOW why I go. It's because of those rare occasions when I hear something that really touches me or something that I feel applies to me and my life, and it makes all the crazy Sundays when I hear absolutely NOTHING worth it. But mainly, the biggest reason why I refuse to give up and why I WILL keep going is because it's important to ME and because I know it's right and good for not only me, but for our family. And the only way for my kids to see that, is for me to DO it. Hopefully some day, they will see why I want to go and why I want them to go as well. Something I'm sure my mom prayed for every day when she was dealing with me and my rebelliousness!! Good job Mom! =) Speaking of rebellion my Mariah, being only four (going on twenty one) already complains about church. She says that they "sing the same songs" and "it's boring" and "I don't wanna go!!". I seriously thought this kind of rebellion wouldn't happen until they were like 10 at a minimum. That's why I've implemented the McDonalds reward system. For every Sunday that Mariah goes to church and class happy, we go to McDonalds for happy meals and playing on Monday. We're 2 for 4 so far.

Anyways, I'm totally going off on a tangent here, but the main thing I was thinking about was what a hard time I'm having with Robbie, the past several weeks in particular. I feel like no matter what I try - it doesn't get through to him. To explain just how desperate I am, I took the kids to the library yesterday and checked out a book titled: 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block - The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One - to Four-Year-Old'. We'll see how it goes... (told you I was desperate!)

I have a subscription to Parents magazine (I'm a total magazine JUNKY) and I always read the stuff about how to deal with toddlers and certain situations and blah blah blah and I just laugh because I would seriously love to see the writer try that 'method' with Robbie. Please honey... I'd not only love to see it - I'd PAY to see that. I remember my mom saying that every child is different - that's why they all need to be parented and disciplined differently. What works on one kid might not work with the next. I know my sister Rashauna was a total CRAZY HEAD when she was little. I remember some of it (mainly her INSANE hair and constantly dirty face and loud loud noises)... and now I look at her and see what a super mellow, patient, level-headed woman she's become and I feel hope.

Please don't get me wrong: I LOVE my kids with all my heart... But I do feel like Robbie and I have been in a fight for quite some time now and I'm ready for it to be over. I need help! We'll see how the book goes... but for now, I'm enjoying the peacefulness of sleeping children and a quiet house. I love going in every night before bed to check on them. They are so precious when they're sleeping... I don't know what I'd do without them. They are everything to me. They require so much work, but give me so much happiness and in return.

So that's my little 'journal' blip for now. Or possibly the first one. That was in fact my goal when I started this blog, was for it to be a journal since I don't keep a real one. But I usually just end up posting pictures because that is after all, so much more interesting - and faster to look at...

Okay, the end.